Kellele kuuluvad me lapsed?

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December 3, 2016 by Tasneem

Islami j2rgi kuulume me k6ik Allahile. Meile antud lapsed samuti. Nad on antud meile kui test, kui vastutus ja 6nnistus.

Vaadates maailmas ringi tekib tahest-tahtmata kysimus, miks vanemad nii mitemis yhiskondades seda vastutust endalt eemale lykkavad?

V2ga suurel osal maailmast, suhtutakse  kodusesse emasse, kui madalamasse yhiskonna klassi. Seet6ttu pannakse lapsed juba v2ga varajases eas lasteaeda/lastes6ime. Emad l2hevad raha teenima ja vastutus laste harimise ning hoole eest lykkub vastavatele asutustele. Juhtusin lugema hiljuti artiklit norra lastekaitse seaduse koha pealt, kus oli 6eldud et seal kuuluvad lapsed rohkem riigile, kui nende vanematele. Riik dikteerib ette mil viisidel on vanematel 6igus omi lapsi kasvatada. N2iteks inglismaal on t2iesti tavap2rane kolme kuused imikud lastes6ime panna. Sellise v2ikelapse emast lahutamise dikteerib yhiskond normaalseks, ent n2iteks fyysilise karistuse keelatuks. Iga laps on erinev ja minu arvates ei saa kehtestada yhtset reeglistikku, lapse kasvatamise suhtes, kogu yhiskonna ulatuses. N2iteks seesama n2ide, kus lapsed emast lahutatkse kogu t66p2eva ulatuses (raskematel juhtudel v6etakse emalt lapsehooldus6igus), on minu meelest palju rohkem lapse psyyhikat halvav, kui (hilisemas eas) tema peal rakendatav leebe fyysiline karistus. Suur osa maailma lapsi kasvab yles kellegi teise hoole ja 6petuse all, kellegi, kes pole lapse ema ja annab talle  v2ga tugeva yhiskonna surve, kogu tema maailmapildi kujunenise eas.

Tulles n2iteks aaraabiamaale, leiab siit terve suure klassi t2navalapsi, kel tegelikkuses on vanemad olemas. Vanemad, kes neid toidavad ja riietavad aga kes oma p2evad veedavad juba v2ga varajasest east alates t2navail. Nende eest keegi ei vastuta otseselt, ehk teised suuremad lapsed v6i l2hedal asuvad t66lised, juhuslikud m66dujad… Pole haruldane pilt n2ha t2navapildis 4-5 aastast last, kantseldamas oma nooremat 6de/venda. Araabia emad ei paista yldse v6tvat t6siselt neil lasuvad vastutust laste eest. On ka neid, kelle lapsed ei kasva t2navail, aga nende lapsed saavad yles kasvatatud k6igi l2hedaste sugulaste kaasabil. Selline elukorraldus loob samuti lapsele kasvukeskkonna, kus igayhel, tema ymber olevail inimestel, on 6igus tema 6petamiseks ja suunamiseks, mis omakorda kasvatab yles j2rjekordse p6lvkonna t2pselt yhesuguseid, yhiskonna poolt vormitud lapsi.

Pyydsin leida vastust Islami seaduses oleva punkti kohta, mis v2idab et lahutatud ja/v6i lese lapsed kuuluvad nende vanavanematele, juhul kui nende ema uuesti abiellub. Vastust ma ei saanudki, otsides Islamist, sel pole alust. Kysisin lugematutest fatwa lehtedelelt ning 6petlastelt, ent selge vastuseta ma j2ingi. Panen siia selle kysimuse kirja:

Why does Child custody go to grandparents in case of a divorced woman or a widow when she remarries?


I found the following hadith: This is indicated by the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) according to which a woman said: O Messenger of Allaah, my womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” Narrated by Ahmad.

This hadeeth clearly states that the father has more rights over the child than the mother (if she remarries). Where does it say that the custody goes to grandparents? And how can this hadeeth be used as a source in decision making in case of a widow, when there is no father.


Another hatith states:”A man called rafi’ bin Sinan accepted Islam but his wife refused to accept it. The prophet then made the mother sit down to a side and the father to another side, and made the son sit down between them The son inclined to his mother. The Prophet then said: “O Allah! Give him guidance” Then he inclined to his father and he took him.”

Again the same question, how come scholars understand that child custody goes to grandparents while in the hadith there is a clear choice between a mother and a father? Wouldn’t the Prophet have mentioned that he meant grandparents, aunts etc.? Especially, in a case of a mother who is not suitable as a child carer due to not following Islam.


Question about Hidana: why does the law gives the right of taking care of small children to grandparents, sisters, aunts, nieces…. while the Prophet clearly gave it to fathers. As men are not as good child carers as women, then I understand from all of the evidences that the right of Hidana goes to father (in case he has wife) or mother even if she remarries, she is still a mother. Why would everyone assume that a woman would marry a monster that hates stepchildren? Non-believers accept children of their new wives with respect and care… aren’t there any men like that left in our Ummah? Has our Ummah gone down so deep at this point that scholars have changed the religion from how the Prophet and his companions taught it?


I tried to find information about widows and divorced women who were the wives of Prophet Mohammed, however there doesn’t seem to be much information available about their children from previous marriages. But I found that 2 wives who were widows, Umm Salam Hind and Khadija bint Khuwaylid, both took their children into the new marriage.

If the reason was that their parents weren’t Muslims then could You please give proof for that?


Also, there seems to be a law that a child will go to grandparents until he/she turns 7 years old. After that the court will decide.

Now, did anything like that happen on the times of the Prophet? Or where has this law come from? I cannot find any authentic source to it. And I don’t understand the point, if stepfather is not considered suitable for a Muslim child before the age of 7, how does he become suitable after that age, in case the child gets the right to go to their mother’s home? Because a child doesn’t need as much care from the mother as before and her new husband would not envy the child? I think it all depends on the intention of the new husband and also his religious understanding of taking care of orphans.  Again, the problem seems to be in the Muslim men today that is making women and children suffer?!


Also, grandmother is not as young as the mother would be, I cannot imagine how an elderly woman would be a better child carer than the real mother?


One more point, in Islam we are taught the importance of taking care of orphans. According to Islam, if a father dies before the child reaches the age of adulthood, he/she is an orphan. That means the mother might be alive. To put it short, children of widows are considered orphans. And in this context, Islamic law takes the right from Muslim men to take care of orphans and gain huge blessings… as children do not have the right to live with their mother and stepfather, especially before the age of 7!


Can anyone also tell me is this story of Umm Salama authentic:


Here the Prophet states clearly: “As for your many children, they belong to Allah and His Messenger.” He accepted those children with no conditions! I do not have any sources on how old they were, but there were no comments about any conditions as there is nowadays… (i.e. he only accept those kids because their father was dead and grandparents were not Muslim).


In the same story there is another interesting point from those times, when Umm Salama was still married with Abu Salama and they were stopped and separated when they tried to leave to Medina: husband left to Medina, child was with relatives of the husband and the woman had to stay with her family. She was so heartbroken that every day at noon she went out and sat at the spot where the tragedy had occurred. She would remember those terrifying moments and weep until nightfall. Situation changed when someone passed and helped her by talking to her family.

This story clearly states that hearts of these people were strong when they separated this family. At the moment, Islamic law separates orphans from their mother, while they have already lost their father. It does not seem right, men don’t get the right to take care of orphan children, mothers must leave their children who are already orphans and elderly women must take care of small active children….


We are living at the time when there are wars in many Islamic countries and many women have become widows. Many fathers have died for one or another reason and many children have become orphans. Their mothers are struggling alone, with no option to remarry; otherwise they will lose the right to have custody over the children. On the Prophet times, men married widows to protect them and their children and provide for them, to not to let them suffer alone. Nowadays Islamic law has taken this chance and right. And yes, there is always law of country, that doesn’t often depend on Islamic law. Yet, I think giving rights to anyone other than the Prophet did, is leading people astray and supporting them in doing what is not right. This has resulted in many men today believing that they do not have the responsibility to take care of widows with orphans.

Even if everyone is following the wrong way, there must be knowledge of the right way for those who are seeking justice and the right path.


In case I am wrong in my theory, please provide me with a correct answer including proofs from Islamic sources.

Araabia mehed ei tunne endal lasuvat vastutust “v66raste” laste kasvatamise n2ol ning kuna seaduski annab selle vastutuse teistele isikutele, siis keegi ei paista justkui endalt kysimagi, et mille alusel? Mille alusel on tehtud selline otsus ja kes ning mis p6hjustel selle taga seisab?!

Juhtusin hiljuti vaatama dokumentaalfilmi “China’s Left-Behind Generation“, milles r22giti hiina maapirkondades elavatest miljonitest lastest, kes kasvavad yles ilma vanemateta, kuna emad ja isad on l2inud linnadesse raha teenima. Enamus juhtudel nad isegi ei helista ega k2i lapsi vaatamas; kes k2ivad, teevad seda vaid kord aastas. Need lapsed on kyll enamasti hooldatud ja hoolitsetud, vaatamata oma vaesusele, on neil siiski vanavanemad aga hingeline valu muudab neid suuresti. Filmis oli 6eldud et paljud neist satuvad seet6ttu kuritegelikule teele ja/v6i saavad psyyhilise kahjustuse.

Kui vaadata lapsi n2iteks s6japiirkondades, siis nende arvukus aina kasvab, kel pole v6imalust koolihariduseks ega turvalist kodu. Miljonid lapsed maailmas on ilma hoole ja normaalsete elutingimusteta, nad paistavad kuuluvat mitte kellelegi… tekib kysimus, kuhu see maailm triivib, nii mitmete erinevate m6jutajate n2ol, tingides ebaterve yhiskonna, selle ebaterve surve m6jul.


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